A Year in Photo - Day 40

Driving home from Penticton, so blessed to live in the beautiful Okanagan <3

"Someday, everything will make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason." -John Mayer

A Year in Photo - Day 39 + Completed Summer 2015 Bucket List

One of the biggest pieces of my journey toward wellness is being around horses and, due to some unforeseen circumstances, I spent the winter/spring away from them and it had a big impact. Horses are such amazing creatures and in order to build a relationship with them I have to be really aware of my anxiety and keep energy calm, which can be so challenging but is such an important tool for me to learn. I can arrive feeling like I'm about to hit the roof, like today, and leave feeling accomplished, calm and happy. This photo is at the end of my time with them today, can you tell? Being outside, getting exercise and being mindful of my anxiety makes me feel on top of the world. The feeling of success and accomplishment when you reach an understanding with a horse is so healing!

This is also a Summer 2015 Bucket List item, volunteer. The owners of these horses have a very busy schedule and were looking for someone to spend some time with their horses, a dream come true for me and they are grateful for the help. 

"We will never have to tell our horse that we are sad, happy, confident, angry or relaxed. He already knows - long before we do." -Marjike de Jong

Random Act of Kindness - Summer 2015 Bucket List

As I was driving to an appointment today I had this overwhelming feeling that today was the day for my random act of kindness, and let me tell you, it is better to give than receive. I stopped at Tim Horton's, bought 4 ice capp's and some goodies. The 4 people I gave them to were SO thankful, the one guy called me a saint. I don't feel like I saint, I feel so fortunate to be in a position to do this and to show people that there are people in this world that care about them. I was on such a natural high, it was amazing!

"If we all do one random act of kindness daily we might set the world in the right direction." -Martin Kornfeld

A Year in Photo - Day 38

I had a really rough start to the day anxiety wise but I spent the afternoon at the beach with my Mom. Sun, beach and water, so good for the soul. We thought we had found our new favourite beach, quiet, sandy, beautiful view. BUT, we were quickly invaded by 3 loud-mouth, smoking, drinking "mother's," one of whom was high as a kite, and their 5 children, who were parenting themselves to say the least. We definitely didn't let it wreck our day but the search for the perfect beach continues.

"Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember every thing you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome." -Unknown

Swim in Okanagan Lake - Summer 2015 Bucket List

Spent a beautiful day at the beach with my Mom and went for a swim in Okanagan Lake. Perfect way to spend a hot day!

"Summer. Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better." "Unknown

Wine & Ice Cream - Summer 2015 Bucket List

Despite not drinking wine, my wonderful husband looked at my Summer 2015 Bucket List and suggested we go do some wine tasting, i.e. he drive and I taste. I couldn't argue with that suggestion. So we drove to Naramata, stopping for lunch at Bliss Bakery Bistro in Peachland (see A Year in Photo - Day 37) and stopped at 3 wineries. Each of them was great and I returned home with 5 bottles of wine. I have to say though, the last winery we went to made my heart sing. It's called Therapy and when we got there they said "Welcome to Therapy." Yup, now we're talking, this is my kind of therapy :)

I couldn't go home without getting my husband his favourite treat, ice cream, and it worked out perfectly because Tickleberries has just opened a location on Skaha Beach. Thankfully we ran into a friend who let us know that a single cone is actually THREE SCOOPS of ice cream. 30+ degrees outside? Okay, twist my rubber arm.

A great day with Steve and two Summer 2015 Bucket List items completed!

"Just be yourself. Let people see the real, imperfect, flawed, quirky, weird, beautiful, magical person that you are." -Mandy Hale

A Year in Photo - Day 37

We stopped at Bliss Bakery Bistro in Peachland today for lunch and they were celebrating their 10th birthday. If you haven't been to Bliss before, they also have a location in Kelowna, you are missing out!! Happy Birthday Bliss!

"live.love.laugh.loaf" - Bliss Bakery

A Year in Photo - Day 36

You know how some things just aren’t meant to be? Well that was definitely the case with our dinner tonight, homemade hamburgers and homemade fries (with our Actifry). Steve first suggested we have hamburgers on Wednesday night, so I went out Wednesday to get 3 things, hamburger buns, mustard and potatoes. I went to Cobs for buns and Quality Greens for the other 2 items. I came home with 2 scones (a snack from Cobs) and potatoes. Yes, I went into the store and didn't come out with the hamburger buns I went in for. Ok, so we will try for Thursday.

Success, Steve picked up mustard and I got the hamburger buns. But when Steve came home from work at 5pm, I realized I hadn’t taken the hamburger out, fail. Third time’s the charm, right?

Steve was in charge of cooking the burgers on the BBQ tonight, he stepped away for a couple of minutes and…..grease fire, only 2 hamburgers survived; enough for tonight but no leftovers for tomorrow. Then as I was taking my hamburger bun out of the oven I dropped it on the element and….flames. I got it in time but, as good as it was, I don’t think we were meant to have hamburgers and fries this week.

"My cooking is so awesome...even the smoke alarm cheers me on." -Unknown

Make Popsicles - Summer 2015 Bucket List

Cocoa, Coconut & Honey Greek Yogurt Popsicles.....Yum!

A Year in Photo - Day 35

When I was 16 year old my Papa passed away from a heart attack; it was sudden and I was devastated. I think of him often and I have always felt like he is still around me, especially when times get tough. When I'm having a bad day, without fail, one of the songs that was played at his funeral, Angel by Sarah McLaughlin, comes on. It doesn't matter if I'm listening to the radio, my iPod or satelite radio. In these moments, I know he is there.

For the last few years I have been seeing monarch butterflies EVERYWHERE. When I'm at my house I see them flying in my backyard all day; a few weeks ago while watching a friend's baby a monarch butterfly sat on the cedars outside her sliding glass window the entire time I was there (hours). I see them when I'm driving, when I'm in different cities, but most of all when I'm having a hard day. I can't tell you why or how, but I just know these butterflies are my Papa. 

Today I was having my coffee (with my good milk!!) and a butterfly was perched on a flower a foot from my door; but of course, when I got up it flew away. I sat there for a moment longer, willing it to come back, minutes later it did. First sitting on the railing and then back on the flower before flying away.

Out of curiosity I looked up the symbolism of butterflies: 

"...the butterfly is a symbol of transformation because of the impressive process of metamorphosis...Here the butterfly beckons us keep our faith as we undergo transitions in our lives. She understands that our toiling, fretting and anger are useless against the turning tides of nature - she asks us to recognize the same." 

This really hits home for me given the my struggles over the last few years.

And:

"Butterflies are also a common sign from deceased loved [ones], and seeing butterflies shortly after losing a loved one is a common sign from beyond the physical. In the case of seeing butterflies in connection to deceased loved ones, sometimes angels will send butterflies to comfort and reassure you that the soul of your loved one lives on, and other times your loved one may put some of their soul essence into a butterfly to actually connect with you physically once again."

Still don't believe me? As I write this post, a monarch butterfly is circling outside my window. Whether people believe me or not doesn't matter to me, but all I know is when I see a monarch butterfly, I think of my Papa. 

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same." -Flavia Weedn

A Year in Photo - Day 34

How to ruin a perfectly good morning? *WARNING weak stomachs beware*

• Step 1:   Wake up tired 
• Step 2:   Make your breakfast 
• Step 3:   Boil your hot water
• Step 4:   Grind your coffee beans
• Step 5:   Pour coffee into your french press and set timer for 4 minutes 
• Step 6:   Press coffee
• Step 7:   Pour your coffee into your FAVOURITE coffee cup 
• Step 8:   Add a tiny splash of milk (less than 1 tablespoon), best before June 27, 2015.....
• Step 9:   .....Uh oh..... 
• Step 10:   Stir coffee, lift spoon and discover white chunks 
• Step 11:   Dump coffee (I won't go into the graphic details of what was at the bottom) 
• Step 12:   Repeat steps 1 through 7, minus the favourite cup that you cannot even stomach to hand wash and use, skip steps 8-11
• Step 13:   Pour in new milk (thank God for small miracles)
• Step 14:   Enjoy!

"A yawn is a silent scream for coffee." -Unknown

A Year in Photo - Day 33

Today I had the opportunity to interact with some mini horses, I'm filthy and hot but my heart is full. I can't imagine a better way to spend the afternoon.

"Be thankful for what you are now, and keep fighting for what you want to be tomorrow."
-www.livelifehappy.com 

Summer 2015 Bucket List

With just over two months to go, more depending on the weather in September, I may have bitten off more than I can chew, but I'm up for the challenge. Making the decision to leave my job was hard, really hard, especially because I know that idle hands are not good for me and my wellness. So in addition to my "main" bucket list, I've made a Summer 2015 Bucket List, filled with things I like to do, did as I kid, want to do or scare the heck out of me. And since I also tend to isolate, if you see something on the list that tickles your fancy, let me know, partners in crime are welcome. 

"I can't possibly heal if I don't take care of myself..." -BandBackTogether.com 

A Year in Photo - Day 32

When my niece Kennedy was here a few weeks ago we went to the Greenery to buy some flowers. True to her style, she picked out these pink petunias, which sit right outside my patio door. Every time I look outside I think of her and the fun day we had together. 

"So plant your own gardens & decorate your soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers." -Jorge Luis Borges

A Year in Photo - Day 31 / Ride Don't Hide

WOW, Ride Don't Hide is such a powerful event and has such a huge impact on me. Hundreds of people getting together for a common cause, one that is so close to my heart, is so touching. This year there was an incredible 275 riders in Kelowna alone and let me tell you, it was amazing. If there is a ride in your community next year I would HIGHLY recommend it. This year the event raised over $60,000 double the $30,000 goal that Kelowna set. 

To top it off, last night Steve found a list of the Top Leaders for Kelowna and to my surprise, I was in the top 5. After the ride today I was called up, along with the other top donors, and recognized for my fundraising efforts, which was incredibly humbling. BUT, I could not have done it without the support of my friends and, family, thank you to each and every one of you!

Here are some photos from today, I couldn't pick just one!

"Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, but stigma and bias shame us all." -Bill Clinton

#ridedonthide #getloud #erasethestigma #cmhakelowna #mentalhealth #mentalillness #cycling #community #fundraiser #humbled

A Year in Photo - Day 30

Sig and Arnie, patiently waiting to get to the dog park :)

"Take time to do what makes your soul happy." -Unknown

A Year in Photo - Day 29

I've been working on an I-Spy quilt for several months now (see A Year in Photo - Day 5) and I've been swapping fabric with people from all over North America. What I didn't expect was the number of people who have sent me fabric without wanting anything in return. Today, however, I received a box so big, filled with 30+ large pieces of fabric, that I was near tears. The generosity of the lady who sent it to me was overwhelming, especially since she spent over $20 in shipping alone. It may not seem like not a big deal to some, but given how difficult the last few weeks have been, this act of kindness reminds me why I continue to push through.

"You fall, you rise, you make mistakes, you live, you learn. You're human, not perfect. You've been hurt, but you're alive. Think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, and to chase the things you love. Sometimes there is sadness in our journey, but there is also lots of beauty. We must keep putting one foot in front of the other even when we hurt, for we will never know what is waiting for us just around the bend." -Unknown

Ride Don't Hide

One of my bucket list items is to overcome depression and anxiety and Ride Don't Hide is very near and dear to my heart. As most of you know, life has thrown me yet another curve ball and, due to my deteriorating mental health, I was forced to leave my job on Wednesday. THIS is precisely why Ride Don't Hide means so much to me. I've always been a bit of a big mouth about my experience with mental illness and I choose to be that way because I'm not ashamed of my depression and anxiety. Some people aren't able to speak about their experiences so I kinda think of myself as giving a voice to those people. 

Sunday is the big day, the ride may only be 7 kms but I can't even begin to put into words just how much it means to me. If you can, please consider donating to this amazing cause. To help eradicate this terrible stigma, which like it or not still exists, and to help raise funds for people who aren't as fortunate as I am to be surrounded by loving, supportive family and friends. 

$5, $10, $20, every dollar counts..."There is no health without mental health."

Click here to donate or to learn more about my story.

#ridedonthide #mentalhealth #mentalillness #bigmouth #depression #anxiety #curveball #stigma #getloud

A Year in Photo - Day 28

While out walking the dogs this evening I looked at the sky and realize just how symbolic it is of where I'm at right now. Unfortunately my return to work wasn't meant to be. My mental health deteriorated before I even went back to work last week and it became clear that, as much as I love the people I work with, it just isn't the right fit right now. So yesterday, with a heavy heart, I told them I would not be returning to work. Initially I felt incredibly defeated, but I have always been a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. I'm not sure what lies ahead but right now I have to focus on my wellness and trust that, in due time, the rest will fall into place.

"She stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her away, she adjusted her sails." -Elizabeth Edwards

A Year in Photo - Day 27

This morning we had a short power outage at our house, but if you were to ask Sig about it he would tell you the world was coming to an end. The whole time the power was out he was glued to me with this distressed look on his face. When the power came back on he was so out of sorts, following me around until I walked him through the house to show him everything was okay. 

"The best therapist has fur and four legs." -Unknown

A Year in Photo - Day 26

Happy Father's Day (early) to the best Dad a girl could ask for <3 

What are all the dogs doing? Years ago when we only had Burke, my family dog, someone in our family put dog treats in a birthday gift. Oooohh and did he remember. He also shared this secret with Sig and now Arnie. Whenever there is a gift, birthday, Mother's Day, Father's Day, or even just a nicely wrapped purchase, they don't discriminate, they EXPECT a treat. And boy is there hell to pay if we forget to put treats in the gift.

"Any man can be a father but it takes someone special to be a Dad."

A Year in Photo - Day 25

There's something about standing under a big tree that's good for my soul...

"When you go into the woods and look trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and you allow it. You see why it is the way it is. You sort of understand that it didn't get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you don't get all emotional about it. You appreciate the tree. The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. And you are constantly saying 'You're too this, or I'm too this.' That judging mind comes in. And so I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are." -Ram Dass

Complete - Write a List of 50 Things I Like About Myself

Whew, this one was a doozy. I recently did a Self-Compassion test so I know just how hard I am on myself; but once I got going I was really pleased with with the things I came up with. I sealed it with the letter I wrote to myself, it will be interesting to look at the list in 10 years.

Completed - Write a Letter to Myself & Open it in 10 Years

This was a bit challenging for me because I wasn't sure what to write or even how to start. "Dear Self"?, nah, that sounds funny to me. Or "when I grow up I want to be...?", nope, I don't like that either. So instead I searched the internet for some prompt questions and started answering those, which progressed into a bit of a synopsis about where I am and where I want to be in 10 years. I'm pleased to have done it and look forward to being able to look at it in the future. What this letter was NOT is something that I will look at in 10 years and grade myself on how well I did. It's simply a snapshot in time, where I am in the various aspects of my life, what I'm struggling with, who's in my life and what some of my goals are. 

A Year in Photo - Day 24

Me - 1, Anxiety - 0.5....even though I was still anxious today, I won the battle and Steve and I were able to go to the Kelowna Falcon's game. Nothing like sitting in the sunshine, watching a ball game, sipping on a lemonade.

"Have patience with all things but first with yourself. Never confuse your mistakes with your value as a human being. You're a perfectly valuable, creative, worthwhile person simply because you exist. And no amount of triumphs and tribulations can ever change that. Unconditional self-acceptance is the core of a peaceful mind." -Saint Francis de Sales

A Year in Photo - Day 23

Yesterday I entered a contest to win tickets to the Kelowna Falcon's baseball games this weekend, and to my surprise, I got a call a couple of hours later to say I won. Steve and I were looking forward to going tonight but, unfortunately, my anxiety has been bad this week. When I told Steve late this afternoon that my anxiety had won today and I didn't think I could go I thought he would be disappointed but he simply said "okay." Yet another testament of how incredibly support he is. Steve has been my rock through all of this, there is no way I could do it without him. 


Today is yet another reminder of the importance of supporting people with mental illness; I have said this before, I would not be where I am without my family and friends. This is why participating in Ride Don't Hide means so much to me. Visit my page to learn more about my story, Ride Don't Hide 2015.

"A strong marriage requires loving your spouse even in those moments when they aren't being loveable; it means believing in them even when they struggle to believe in themselves." -Dave Willis

A Year in Photo - Day 22

My sister's puppy Arnie got a hair cut and suddenly he looks much more grown up. But after trying to get one photo of him this afternoon, it's clear just how much of a puppy he still is, after all he is only 5 months old. So today's "photo" is actually the series of photos I took, in between the laughs, while trying to get just one good one :)

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." -Roger A. Caras

A Year in Photo - Day 21

While this may not technically doesn't count ("take a photo every day for a year") because I didn't take the picture, but if I were in Victoria I would have taken many. At 2 a.m. Kennedy got her wish, she became a big sister and even got to name her, Braelyn Hazel. 8lbs 3 oz, mom and babe and doing well and this auntie can't wait to meet her!

"How do you spell 'love'?" - Piglet  "You don't spell it you feel it." - Pooh

A Year in Photo - Day 20

When Steve and I went to Invermere for our anniversary in May we stumbled across this great art gallery and fell in love with an artist named Kyla Brown. With the help of my lovely friend Faith, I finally got the cards we bought hung up. The saying on them are great and the art is so unique. Here are just a couple of my favourites.

"and some days we must let the darkness fall all around us so that we see the ember that glows within us." - Kyla Brown

Ride Don't Hide 2015 - A Bucket List Item in Progress

As most of you know I have been battling mental illness for many years, in fact, one of my bucket list items is to overcome my depression and anxiety. So for the second year I am participating in a cause that is important to me, the Canadian Mental Health Association's Ride Don't Hide 2015. For more information on my story and the ride itself, visit 

https://secure.e2rm.com/registrant/FundraisingPage.aspx?registrationID=2919698&langPref=en-CA#&panel1-1

I bought this bike at the beginning of the year and the difference it has made is amazing. #cyclepathkelowna

With Ride Don't Hide just 11 days away, the push is on and I need your help. I've set a goal of $1000 and I am so happy to say I have raised $795. But, I would REALLY like to hit my goal. 

As you know, I've worked in the mental health field in Kelowna, I know the great programs that exist and depend completely on funding. Unfortunately, having volunteering in Kelowna for many years, I also see the people who are falling through the crack, who need more support.  

Going back to work this week was yet another reminder of how fortunate I am to have had/have the support from family and friend while I battle my mental illness. Sadly, many others don't have that support and depend on community services.

So if you can help, at all, every little bit helps, $5, $10, whatever you can afford. And if you aren't able to, I completely understand, I will carry your well wishes with  me while I ride. 

PLEASE, take a moment to share this post, and my page, on your Facebook (or any other social media you use). We really have an opportunity to make a big difference! <3 

A Year in Photo - Day 19

I had a great girls night out with my Mom, sister and close family friend Annie. Dinner at Black Bear (I would HIGHLY recommend it), followed by a night channelling spirit. We saw Theresa Caputo from TLC's Long Island Medium at Prospera Place; a great experience filled with lots of laughs, and a few tears. 

"Gratitude turns what we have into enough, and more..." - Melody Beattie

A Year in Photo - Day 18

After kicking the cobwebs out, my first day back to work went well. Sitting by the water in the sunshine at lunch certainly helped. So grateful to live in the beautiful Okanagan.

"Remember how far you've come, not how far you have to go. You are not where you want to be, but neither are you where you used to be." - Rick Warren

A Year in Photo - Day 17

So it's been a bit of a rough day, I'm pretty sure it's because I'm returning to work tomorrow after being off for a few months off due to my mental health. I love my job and the people I work with, but I can't help but wonder, "am I ready?", I worry that I will go back and something else will happen and I will have to go off again. But, I pushed through the day, with the help of my amazing husband (and a nap), and finished it off quilting while sipping a great local beer.

"You don't always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go, and see what happens." - Mandy Halce 

A Year in Photo - Day 16

An wee walk with the fam on a sunny evening in the beautiful Okanagan. 

"The best things in life aren't things." - Art Buchwald

A Year in Photo - Day 15

Photobombed....Sig insisted on being in the photo because I was using his bed as a back drop :) 

I spent a lovely day with Ella (my Mom) at the craft fair in Vernon. We got these beautiful pottery bowls, a necklace and a pair of earrings each. Plus, the people watching was fantastic!

"Surround yourself with the dreamers and the doers, the believers and thinkers, but most of all surround yourself with those who see greatness within you, even when you don't see it in yourself." -Edmund Lee

A Year in Photo - Day 14

I first took this photo to show the beautiful neighbourhood that I live in. I often joke about living in the hood, but I don't think it looks much like the hood at all and either way, it's home. But when I took a second look I saw another meaning. I'm turning 30 in August and although the age doesn't bother me, I'm looking at it as turning the page to a new me. Like the photo, I can see the beginning, but don't know exactly where I will end up.

"This is the beginning, of anything you want." - Boy

A Year in Photo - Day 13

Spent the day with these two monkeys, watching Baby Einstein <3

"If we could all see the world through the eyes of a child, we would see the magic in everything..." - Chee Vai Tang

A Year in Photo - Day 12

As someone who suffers from Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.), rainy days are definitely not my favourite. I have to say though, I do like listening to the rain outside my patio door. :) 

And then to top things off, today is a full moon. Some people don't believe that a full moon affects people and, truthfully, I didn't really believe it until my depression and anxiety got bad. But let me tell you, I have been extremely anxious and restless for days! But, instead of holing up in my house like I would normally do, I dragged my butt to the gym and went to an Aquafit class. I was EASILY the youngest person by 25 years but the class was a lot of fun and there is something soothing about the water! :)

"Three things cannot be hidden: the sun, the moon and the truth." ~Buddha

A Year in Photo - Day 11

Every time it rains we get these crazy big worms on our side walk, so tonight I ventured out in search of one. Instead, I think I found the whole colony. How many worms do you see?

"When it rains, look for rainbows. When it's dark, look for stars" ~Unknown