A Year in Photo - Day 102

It doesn't matter how old you are, when you have a bad couple of days, sometimes you just need to go home for some sisterly, motherly and puppy love.

"Sometimes we need someone to simply be there. Not to fix anything, or to do anything in particular, but just to let us feel that we are cared for and supported." -Unknown 

A Year in Photo - Day 101

I really struggled with which photo to post today, a photo of Sig that made me laugh, or this one. I've pretty much bared my soul on here so, although I find this one harder to write about it, this is the one I chose.

I had a rough day today, anxiety and mood, I just generally felt crappy. It didn't seem to matter what I did, all the little tricks I have in my figurative tool box, nothing worked. And then this happened.

When I'm not feeling well, coming up with, preparing and cooking meals is like climbing Mount Everest. I can't explain it, except to say that it's like there is a mental brick wall between me and getting a meal together (yes I have an amazing husband and he often helps me with this!). So today I pulled out the chicken that I have been trying to cook for two nights, only to find that it had gone bad. After an already hard day it was like a kick in the gut; I felt guilty and like a failure. Why is this so hard, especially when I already have it planned out I just have to execute it?

This is one of my biggest struggles, one that not many people understand and one that I have a tremendous amount of shame about, but tomorrow is a new day.

"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying I will try again tomorrow." -Mary Anne Radmacher

A Year in Photo - Day 100

Full moons are normally really challenging for me in terms of my anxiety. I can usually tell there is going to be a full moon days before, without even checking. I finally downloaded an app for when I'm just feeling off, to see if it's the moon or me, most times it's because of a full moon. But today was different. 

I knew it was a full moon but I had a great day; I was calm, my anxiety was low and my was mood good. For me, this is a sure fire way to tell that things are looking up, literally.

"I'm stronger because I had to be. I'm smarter because of my mistakes. I'm happier because I've overcome the sadness I have known and I'm wiser because I've learned from my life." -Unknown

A Year in Photo - Day 99

I've always wanted a tattoo but I wanted to wait until something really meaningful came along, and it did. My friend Cyndi shared The Semi Colon Project with me; the semi-colon has become a symbol for mental illness. Basically, in a sentence the semi-colon is used where I period could be used, an end to the sentence, but instead it is a pause and the sentence continues. Some people relate this to suicide but for me I interpret it more as my struggles with mental illness are a pause in my life, not something that is going to be the end for me but just a stop along the way.

I loved it, but wanted something to go with it. I've always been drawn to arrows and then I came across this: 

"An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. When life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means it's going to launch you into something great. So just focus, and keep aiming."

Bingo! With that, my the design began to take shape, and for my birthday, Steve told me I could get it done, I was SO excited. So today was the day. It didn't hurt as bad as I thought, I was very relaxed, almost asleep. The experience was incredibly cathartic; I just kept thinking of what I had been through, how far I have come and what is yet to come. BIG thanks to Rob Jobe at Pinz Tattoo!!!!

Rather than just one photo, there are a few today.

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was greater than the risk it took to bloom." -Anais Nin

A Year in Photo - Day 98

Meet Sausage and Bacon, appropriately named so the two girls in the family are reminded that they are a food source, not pets. I brought them some watermelon rinds today, and in turn they made me laugh. I renamed them Happy Pig and Bully Pig; Bully Pig is larger, because he is a bully, and Happy Pig is skinnier and more agile.  

As I dumped the rinds in, it became clear why Bully Pig is fatter, he doesn't want Happy Pig to have any food. Happy Pig has to sneak in and grab a piece; initially Bully Pig was okay with Happy Pig eating off to the side, but eventually she was forced to the end of the pen. So I joined team Happy Pig, distracting Bully Pig (hence the close up) so Happy Pig could sneak in. Yep, I'm a farm girl at heart and easily amused by the animals :)

"The art of being happy lies in the power of extracting happiness from common things." -Henry Ward Beecher

A Year in Photo - Day 97

For those who own dogs, you understand that they are part of your family, they aren't "just dogs". Sig has helped me through my darkest days, he just knows when I need him by my side. He runs from the other end of the house when he hears me so much as sniffle, jumps on my chest and licks my face until I stop. If I try to block him he panics and claws at me until I move my arms. Although not technically trained, he is my therapy dog. He loves me no matter what, makes me laugh everyday and keeps me company.

Today is National Dog Day and today I'm celebrating him.

"Nobody can fully understand the meaning of love unless he's owned a dog." -Gene Hill

A Year in Photo - Day 96

The result of forgetting to ask someone to water our plants when we went on vacation. *sigh* I think I be forever be a Black Thumb.

"I just want to let you know that if you ever need to have a plant killed, I'm the person to do that job." -Unknown

A Year in Photo - Day 95

Another smoky day and I had to get creative, literally, to keep myself from going stir crazy inside. Tomorrow I'm going to see Chivers, smoke or no smoke :)

"Do what you have to do until you can do what you want to do." -Oprah Winfrey

A Year in Photo - Day 94

When I woke up this morning and opened the curtains, I was greeted with smoke so bad, it reminded me of the 2003 Okanagan Mountain Park fire. When I opened my door I was smacked in the face with what smelled like a camp fire burning outside my front door. And when I went into the mall I could not only smell it but I could see the smoke in the building. Very scary that it is this thick up here, I can't imagine what it's like closer to the fire.

This is a photo I snapped while crossing the bridge; normally you can see the lake on either side and the mountains in front of you, not today. 

"Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions." -Pema Chodron

A Year in Photo - Day 93

After a week's vacation, I spent the perfect day with this gem, Chivers, having a little nibble after some hard work and some good progress. In my glory.

"Be mindful of the future...but not at the expense of the moment." -Qui Gon Jinn

A Year in Photo - Day 92

The worst part about travelling, by far, is unpacking when you get home. So far our suitcases have made it into our house and sit in my sewing area. The dirty clothes are out and washed and our toiletries are out, but all the clean clothes and any non-essential items remain inside. 

I'm not sure why it seems like such a monumental task, when really it would take a few minutes, but for now they sit. For some this is ridiculous, but for me this is just how it is, and I'm okay with it.

"Everything in life is easier when you don't concern yourself with what everybody else is doing." -Unknown

Island Summer 2015 Bucket List Bonanza

In addition to our fishing trip, while in Campbell River we knocked a few more items off my Summer 2015 Bucket List.

After lots of time looking, both in the Okanagan and on the island, I found my heart shaped rock, with my love by my side.

Ever since I was little, visiting my cousins on the island meant time spend wandering the beach looking for shells. I love it just as much now and I could spend hours looking for ocean treasures. This time I found my first sand dollar and I was over the moon!

After a day of fun, we were driving back to the pier for ice cream and we stumbled across a random Tuesday (?!?!) garage sale. As expected, it was 99% junk, but I did find a couple of kids books and I bartered the lady into giving me another sand dollar for FREE :)
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"The ocean stirs the heart, inspires the imagination and brings eternal joy to the soul." -Wyland

A Year in Photo - Day 91

After a great but exhausting vacation, Sig looked like I felt today. He was passed out all day and when I called his name to take his photo, this is the look he gave me.

"Embrace the glorious mess that you are." -Elizabeth Gilbert

A Year in Photo - Day 90

Yesterday was my 30th birthday, and unlike some, I couldn't wait. My family has always looked at birthdays as a time of celebration, never focusing on your age. My Dad always says, "What are you if you aren't getting older? Dead." While it may sound a little harsh, it's true, and I often forget how old I am because my age isn't important to me.

I spent the day travelling with Steve, while he drove I spent a good chunk of the travel time doing one of my favourite things, sleeping. We finished the day off with a great dinner with my family and a delicious chocolate cheesecake. I was spoiled rotten and reminded just how lucky I am, not because of the gifts I got, but because of the love I felt all around me.

The past couple of years have been turbulent, to say the least, but I feel like I'm on a good path and I am excited about the direction things are going. A new decade, a new beginning...I can't wait to see what it brings.

"Know that you are the perfect age. Each year is special and precious, for you shall only live it once. Be comfortable with growing older." -Louise Hay

A Year in Photo - Day 89

Walking through the beautiful island forest to Miracle Beach; You're never too old for beach combing.

"At the beach, life is different. Time doesn't move hour to hour, but mood to moment. We live by the currents, plan by the tides and follow the sun." -Unknown

A Year in Photo - Day Day 88 + Completed Bucket List Item

I have been dying to go fishing again for some time now but just haven't had the opportunity. I grew up fishing in fresh water lakes and loved it. Steve also great up fishing, but he grew up fishing in the ocean. So when Kelly and Keri offered to take us out on their boat when we went for our visit, they didn't have to ask us twice.

I caught a 12.2 pound marble spring salmon. I was like a little kid when the reel went out. I reeled it in (I have bruises to show for it) and then proceeded to do the only humane thing I know how to do, kill it quickly. Well first of all, Kelly's "bonker" is a bit unique, to say the least, an empty Texas Mickey size bottle of Grey Goose vodka. I hit it a couple of times and, well, he died quickly. Apparently it was the first time they had seen a skull bashed in and that much blood sprayed all over the deck. I was just making sure he was dead! I helped Steve too when he caught a 13.2 spring salmon....he was being more gentle so I stepped in and.....well the eyeball popped out. Again, they said that's not normal. Well this isn't news folks, I don't know if I have ever been normal!

Needless to say, we had SO much fun, crossed a bucket list item off and made some great memories!

"We never really grow up...we only learn how to act in public." -Bryan White

A Year in Photo - Day 87

We left the rest of the family in Victoria to fly home after the wedding and we are headed up island to see my cousin Kelly and his girlfriend Keri, who we also haven't seen since our wedding, over 3 years ago. I can't wait to see them and to see what kind of shenanigans we can get up to!!

"Cousin to cousin, we will always be a couple of nuts off the family tree." -Unknown

A Year in Photo - Day 86

Today my cousin Kristen married the love of her life, Greg. This little gem stole the show until....  

...the beautiful bride appeared with her Dad, who had stepped out from behind his camera (a rarity for those who know him) to walk her down the aisle, give her away, and quickly pick it up again to capture the special moments that followed.   

"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." -Emily Bronte

A Year in Photo - Day 85

A great cup of coffee and a quiet cuddle with my beautiful niece? Oh this is one happy Auntie!

"Sometimes the littlest things take up the most room in your heart." -Winnie the Pooh

A Year in Photo - Day 84

Headed to Vancouver Island for the Ianson / Stannix wedding. Looking forward to meeting the groom and seeing the rest of the fam jam, who I haven't seen since my own wedding over 3 years ago!! Fittingly, our ferry was called the "Coastal Celebration".

"When you meet the one who changes the way your heart beats, dance with them to that rhythm for as long as the song lasts." -Kirk Diedrich

On Vacation

We are on the island at to a wedding and then hopefully we will get some fishing in. We didn't bring a computer so I won't be posting but don't fret, I'm taking my daily photos and am hoping to cross some items off my bucket list; I will post them as soon as we get home. Happy days everyone 😊

A Year in Photo - Day 83

I arrived to work with Miss Chivers today, intending on a lighter day as I, unfortunately, didn't have much time. Her paddock is on a steep hill, the hay is placed at the top and the water at bottom to encourage movement. When I arrived today she was at the top, but I figured no big deal, normally I can call her as I walk up to her paddock and she comes down, I put her halter on and off we go. Not today...

I called her and called her, nothing, so I went into the paddock thinking she would come down when she saw me, negative. So I chased her up and down the steep hill, every time I would get close to her or think I had her moving in the right direction, she would scoot back up to the top, forcing me to do the same. I can't tell you how many times I climbed the hill...  Finally she surrendered and we walked out like nothing had happened, or so she thought. Unbeknownst to her, her light day had turned into a work day, don't make me chase you, especially when you know better. So, we did ground work, then I worked her in the round pen and we finished with obstacles.

Based on this photo you can see how tired I was and how unimpressed she was, hopefully she learned something today, I'm in charge.

With that said, I've finally worked up the courage to share what I've known in my gut all along, I'm meant to work with horses, as a career. I've always been fascinated by their feet, they are much more intricate than I initially realized. Every time I hear that a farrier is coming out to trim I do my best to get there to pick their brain. But I've always talked myself out of doing anything with horses, the negative voice in my head saying I'm too heavy or what about your 7 years of university or I don't have enough experience or I won't be taken seriously because I'm relatively new to the horse world. Well, I told that voice to shut up....

I have decided I want to be a Barefoot Farrier (trimming hooves). I'm going to shadow some local farriers, do some studying and eventually take a certification course which will give me the knowledge and skills to trim, after that it will be a matter of building the muscles to trim in a timely manner. My family and friends have been incredibly supportive, and although I am afraid to "fail" I feel completely at peace with my decision.

"The things you are passionate about are not random, they are your calling." -Fabienne Fredrickson

A Year in Photo - Day 82

Today I was given a challenge, get back on my bike. I'm a very black and white person and I need to find my grey. When I commit to something I commit to it 150%, which is sometimes at the expensive of other things. In this case, I've been working with horses nearly everyday, and while I love it and it is good for me, I stopped riding my bike, which I also love and is good for me.

So, challenge accepted and started, 14.4 km today. Thanks for the push Cindy!

"Life is like riding a bicycle, to keep your balance, you must keep moving." -Albert Einstein

A Year in Photo - Day 81

I don't do mornings, I never have. My family can tell you all about it....  

I snapped this picture this morning. What a beautiful sky some may say, my thoughts? Well they say a picture is worth a thousand words. After weeks of a flipped sleep schedule due to one late night of anxiety (grrrr), my 7 a.m. alarm was not welcome this morning. And yes, I know that it's not even that early. 

"I think I'm allergic to morning." -Snoopy

A Year in Photo - Day 80 + Summer 2015 Bucket List Blitz

Wow, what a day, with the help of my lovely husband, I got so many bucket list items done. We started the day with mini-golf at 19 Greens; we are so lucky to live in the Okanagan, the views were incredible. Although Steve beat me by 4 strokes, I had the high score of 8, yes I know that's not the goal, and the low score of a HOLE IN ONE! 

From there we headed to Sun City Cherries to cool off, cherry gelato. OMG, words cannot describe it, you must experience it for yourself.

When we got home I cleaned up my "candle mess." I've been making candles over the past few days but it was taking over the kitchen. I'm enjoying it and I'm pleased with the result, but it is a very time consuming process, at least the way I'm doing it. I have SO much wax left so I need to find a better way to melt it down, in the meantime I have some great candles. 

We topped off the night by throwing some peaches on the BBQ while we cooked dinner; I've always wanted to do this but I've just never got around to it. Well, let me tell you, heaven! Topped with some greek yogurt, cinnamon and roasted pecans...mmmm :)

"Look closely at the present you are constructing. It should look like the future you are dreaming." - Alice Walker

A Year in Photo - Day 79

I found the perfect spot to eat my lunch today. Sitting in the shade under a big hazelnut tree, in a comfy chair, enjoying Okanagan produce with the minis grazing in the distance, knowing that I was off to see Chivers shortly.

"Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must, but take a step." -Naeem Callaway

Completed Summer 2015 Bucket List Item - Go ROOT Beer Tasting

My original bucket list item was to go beer tasting, but I haven't been drinking because I'm finding I'm getting bad rebound anxiety; basically it's bad anxiety the happens next day. So, I modified the item to ROOT beer and boy am I glad I did.

We went to Bad Tattoo Brewing Company in Penticton, a great brewery with fantastic food and I tasted their in-house made Skinny Dog Root Beer. Hot diggity, was it good. Nothing like root beer I've had before but I highly recommend it. We also had pizza, I had the Forager, AMAZING! Worth a visit for sure, we will be back!

"The key to happiness is letting each situation be what it is instead of what you think it should be." -Mandy Hale

A Year in Photo - Day 78

Two weeks ago I wrote that I was going to have to have more ECT treatments; today I am pleased to say that the increased dose of Effexor, prescribed when I saw my psychiatrist two weeks ago, has worked. So for now, I no longer have to have ECT. Just leaving the hospital, can you tell we are happy about this?

"When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person that walked in. That's what the storm is all about." -Haruki Murakami 

A Year in Photo - Day 77

A couple of weeks ago my friend Kristi asked me if I would like to free lease one of her horses, Chivers. In short, she continues to be the owner and pays for all her feed and care, and I get to work with her. For me, a dream come true; I wanted to cry. I am honoured that she trusts me enough to work with this beauty and that I am being given the opportunity to do so at a time when I can't pay anything.

Today I went out to officially meet Chivers and to see if we connected, we did and she is perfect. She 17hh, that's 68" from the tallest part of her withers, she's big, and she has a bit of kick and maybe even some attitude to her, which I love. I can go out whenever I want, groom her, pick out her feet (yes, I love doing this), do groundwork etc. Kristi and her husband have a beautiful farm and not only do I get to work with Chivers, I get greeted by chickens, roosters and ducks when I drive in, along with her dogs and sometimes her cats.

Having recently admitted to myself and my family that I want a career in the horse industry, this is an amazing opportunity and I am SO grateful for it.

"If you can dream it, you can do it." -Walt Disney

A Year in Photo - Day 76

Maybe I’m making an assumption here, based on my own good fortune, but you know that friend that just gets you? The one who you don’t even stop for a second to think, “my house is a mess, I don’t have any makeup on and I’m in my pajamas” when they call to say they are coming over? I’m lucky enough to have a few people like this in my life like this, but none like my very best friend Jules. Unfortunately, she lives on the other side of the country (BOOOOOOOO!!!!), but when we do get together it’s like nothing has changed.

We met in my first year of university in a history class, over 10 years ago, when we were paired together to do a group paper. The rest is history…pun intended. We partied our butts off, met our husbands around the same time, were in each other’s weddings and so much more. She gets me, especially my mental health. When she calls and I don’t answer, she knows I just don’t feel like talking about it’s not personal. Sometimes we’ll go weeks, or more, without talking. She’ll check on me through my sister or through Steve, but she just gets that my not talking has nothing to do with our friendship or how much she means to me. And that means a lot.

Why do I tell you all this? BECAUSE SHE IS IN TOWN!!!! It’s been about a year since I’ve seen her and let me tell you it has been too long. We had a blast today! She saw my family, wehad our traditional lunch at Chutney and we got a Starbucks, an addiction she now blames on me, probably justifiably so. I was able to show her all the work I have been doing with horses, and all that I’ve learned, and she met a few of my good new friends. Friends like this are once in a lifetime, and I’m so glad I have mine <3 

"The best kind of people are the ones that come into your life, and make you see the sun where you once saw clouds. The people that believe in you so much, you start to believe in you too. The people that love you, simply for being you.
The once in a lifetime kind of people." -Unknown

A Year in Photo - Day 75

WHAT?!?! Arnie feels totally innocent...he may need an increase in his allowance if he keeps going through a toy a day though. And his "brother" Burke is not happy either, those are his toys!

"Handle stress like a dog. If you can't eat it or play with it, then pee on it
and walk away." -Unknown

A Year in Photo - Day 74 + Completed Bucket List Item

We spent a great afternoon and evening with Steve's brother Rob, his wife Amber and our beautiful niece who are here on vacation. As we were sitting on the patio I notice all the clover in the grass, so after playing a game, I started my search. A few minutes later everyone else joined me and started casually looking. Minutes later Rob found a four leaf clover, wahoo!!!! I was very excited and quite content to take this "find" as a check on my list. But then shortly thereafter Amber found one too....okay now I knew it was definitely possible and I wanted to find my own, so I settled in and I can't believe in, about 10 minutes later I found one. 

They say four leaf clovers are lucky, well we feel lucky to have been able to spend the day time with them <3

"Never give up on something you really want. It's difficult to wait, but more difficult to regret." -Unknown

A Year in Photo - Day 73

Wouldn't it be great if we could all crap flowers? Well that's exactly what happened here on this farm. The chickens were given their feed, which included sunflower seeds, and were left to roam and poop; the next thing the owners knew they had a beautiful patch of sunflowers. 

"And the day came, when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." -Anaïs Nin

A Year in Photo - Day 72

After a good but busy week, I couldn't be happier to be at home watching the UFC 190 fights with Steve & Sig, while messing around on my computer. Even Sig gets into it, it's like he knows it's "fight night" and he wants to get all rowdy. The photo isn't great, but you get the picture :)

"Forgive yourself for not being at peace. The moment you completely accept your non-peace, your non-peace is transmitted into peace. Anything you accept fully will get you there, will take you into peace. This is the miracle of surrender." -Eckhart Tolle

Summer 2015 Completed Bucket List Item - Backyard Game

Playing "Washers" with Steve at my parents house. He was kicking my butt and it was SO HOT I ended up forfeiting, that and a water fight started thanks to my niece, we laughed so hard!

"Exist to be happy, not to impress." -Unknown.